Making a relationship successful enough to become a long-lasting marriage takes time, effort, compromise, and compatibility. Sadly, the majority of marriages fail, ending in divorce. Here are 7 of the most common reasons a marriage or relationship fails.
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1. Conflict and Avoidance Causes Divorce
One of the most important elements of a relationship is cultivating an environment in which both parties are comfortable expressing their feelings, needs, and wants. However, it’s common for people to do everything they can to avoid conflict, including having tough conversations regarding their relationships. Connie Omari, Ph.D., explains, “Avoiding conflict is a silent relationship killer because it prevents the opportunity for addressing conflict to take place.” Instead, couples bury their feelings until they lead to feelings of resentment. “Not learning these skills is a sure way to kill your relationship silently,” she concludes
2. Emotions Need Validation
Another issue that causes a high divorce rate is when couples are unable to validate or respect the feelings of their partner. Dr. Omari shares that even saying something as simple as “it’s not cold” when your partner states they’re feeling chilly can unwittingly be offensive or disregard the other person. “When a person feels invalidated, they often feel disconnected and unheard,” she explains. “These two characteristics combined will definitely work to deteriorate a relationship quickly.”
3. Infidelity Leads to Divorce
Although this one goes without saying, the rate at which Americans have admitted to cheating is alarmingly high. Interestingly, there are numerous reasons why they might stray from their relationship. This includes things like feeling unloved, unheard, or invalidated, but it can also be the result of low self-esteem or depression.
4. Feeling Unappreciated
Another top cause of divorce is one or both parties feel unappreciated or undervalued. This can happen in multiple ways, but the most prominent is when one’s accomplishments are met with criticism rather than praise or congratulations. For example, your partner may have been busy with a work project and forgotten it was their turn to take out the trash. Instead of congratulating them on finishing their work before their deadline and empathizing with their hardships, one may feel inclined to point out their mistake. However, moments like these are everyday opportunities to remind your spouse or partner how much you appreciate their efforts.
5. Confusion Regarding Responsibilities
Another issue that causes a surprisingly high number of divorces is confusion when it comes to household duties. While it’s essential for both parties to contribute to the relationship and household equally, it’s also crucial for both parties to openly discuss their expectations and agree upon how chores and tasks will be shared or divided. When couples disagree, or one person doesn’t do their share, the other may become resentful, feeling like they contribute more than their partner.
6. Marrying Too Young
Although many people are lucky enough to experience young love, few have long-lasting marriages. In contrast, many will result in divorce because both parties were too young to know exactly what they wanted out of life. They were too young to know who they were as people, and people often change over time. As a result, couples often drift apart.
7. Different Perspectives Cause Divorce
As previously mentioned, people change quite a bit between adolescence and adulthood. In many cases, still evolving well into their 30’s. This may also bring changes, such as new religious ideas or political views. However, having similar views, values, or goals is important to strengthen the relationship and ensure both parties are heading in the same direction.
Eliminating the Possibility of Divorce
Although there are some cases in which divorce may be the best option, some things should first be weighed. For example, couples should try a “trial separation” before settling on divorce. This will give each person a better understanding of life without the other person. In many cases, this has been known to bring couples closer together. Next, treat each other with love, respect, and compassion, highlighting all the good the other person brings to your life. Lastly, love alone isn’t enough to ensure a successful marriage. A successful and lasting relationship also requires compatibility, compromise, and patience. It’s important to have tough conversations and discuss important topics like how to raise kids and whether or not you even want kids. Or what each person values most in life and their partner.
